Summer in Memphis is the season I endure to get to the rest of the year. Its kind of ridiculous the way I try to force the season along… falling just short of doing pagan autumn dances around the yard, I’ve been pinning fall and Christmas decorations all over Pinterest, reading Christmas cook books and cranking the A/C to fulfill the deep need in me for all things, “cozy”. I feel that if I just want it enough I might be able to urge on the cooler weather with my enthusiasm.

And I’ll admit, when we walked into a large home store the other day and they had all their Christmas merchandise out already I made some sort of remark to Trevor that went something like, “good grief, don’t they know its August?” While my heart danced happily because someone wants Christmas closer too. Even if I do share that desire with greedy commercialism.

But even as anxious as I am to see the season change, I’m really aware of the fact that I want to choose joy right now. I don’t want to wish away the time I have with Judah alone before the next little one arrives. Oh, I’m excited to meet our new miracle, make no mistake; but I’m also aware that Judah is growing so very fast. And Trevor and I have time to ourselves now, that will be even more limited with the arrival of our second child.

bubble yamaka’s are the best.

Judah’s walking running all over the place now, starting to repeat words and mimic our actions, in a way that no longer says baby, but clearly toddler. I’m still nursing him and walking a fine line between wanting to wean him before the next baby comes and clinging to those last moments where I get to hold him, completely relaxed, like an infant still. Just us. And in those times I’ve known real moments of (I’m sure ridiculous) fear. Will I ever be able to love another child as much as I love the boy in my arms?

Its hard to imagine. But then again, I could never have imagined the instant, binding love that the Lord would give me for him. I knew we would love him; I loved him before he was born… but to know his personality, see so much of Trevor in him and those eyes… the simple truth is, no. I could never have imagined. God has been able to show me his love and even heartbreak so much more clearly through motherhood than maybe anything else I’ve experienced thus far.

So, I will delight in the Memphis summer days because each one brings new joy and life. I will not wish away even the uncomfortable moments that hold so much treasure.

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