There are not going to be a lot of pictures in this post, so if that is your thing, sorry…
Its been a rough few days. If you are my friend through facebook, then I’m sure you have probably heard by now, but I am typing this from my hospital bed, shifting back and forth periodically on my half asleep butt. Last Thursday I had a trip to the E.R. because I started to spot some. After several tests, I was released to go home. we had hoped that was the end of it and everything was looking up through the weekend.
Fast forward to monday afternoon… I had just woken up from a nap and started bleeding heavily. I sat down at our dining room table and just cried. This was the moment I had been scared of since I was diagnosed with placenta previa and I knew that this meant a trip to the hospital least and probably some sort of bedrest. Trevor and I were skyping so I quickly let him know what was up and called the Doctors office. I just go the nurses answering machine so I left a message, but I told Trevor to just go ahead and meet me at the hospital. I dropped Judah off at a friends house and met Trevor in the waiting room. We registered and they led me back to an examination room. And, can I just say that I think its ridiculous that they won’t let my husband come back with me until they ask me all sorts of questions about whether I feel in danger or if he’s abusing me? I know that there are some major creeps out there that have made these questions somewhat necessary, but I hate that he has to sit out in the waiting room for 15 minutes while I assure them that he’s not a horrible person and I just want my husband with me during this scary time.
Thankfully, most of the bleeding stopped within an hour or two of starting, so that was a huge relief. They gave me a shot of steroids almost immediately and got an I.V. going just incase. It was very scary to me to realise that a lot of the nurses considered it a very real possibility that I was about to have an emergency cesarean at 31 weeks. They monitored me for quite a while and had me fill out a small mountain of paperwork.
They also sent me back to get an extensive ultrasound to check on the baby and the placenta. The technician had been measuring… uhh… stuff (insert smart medical terminology here) and looking at baby girl for quite a while and then she did some 4D scans. It was really cool but she was having trouble getting a good view of the face because the baby had her hand up by her face.
Ok, you will have to stay with me a moment and please try and not judge us too harshly for what happened next: the technician stopped and turned the monitor towards us. “There’s your little angel”, she announced happily. Trevor and I both gasped and said, “OH MY GOD”!!! She had her mouth agape and seriously looked like she was breathing fire! It may have been the most ugly 4D picture of a baby in history. Also, her schnozzer looked… umm… massive. The technician clearly mistook our horror for proper parental awe and smiled as she announced that she would print out that picture for us. Trevor looked at the monitor with one eyebrow raised and just muttered, “uhhh thannnks”. That did it. I started laughing so hard I couldn’t stop. I had tears rolling down my face thinking of our wonderful, perfectly loved, fire-breathing daughter. I just laughed and laughed. I could tell the technician was starting to get annoyed, but I couldn’t stop. All the emotion and scariness of the night erupted in giggles, and the more I tried to stop the more I couldn’t. Finally she told me with some firmness that she couldn’t finish the ultrasound until I stopped laughing and I laid there with my eyes closed for quite a while trying to not think of the ultrasound image or Trevor’s reaction or Munch’s “the scream”. And just for the record, the rest of the images showed a normal looking, if someone less interesting baby. 😉
Normal baby vs. Dracah, the FIRE BREATHER!! RAWR!
I honestly think that moment was given to us by the Lord to alleviate some of the fear and tension from the situation. Even now, I can’t stop giggling. And I’m so grateful for those moments, because the last couple days have been hard. I’ve never been away from Judah for more than 4-5 hours before, and even though Trevor has been so amazing and made every effort to be here as much as possible, its not the same as being home with my boys.
Also, the longer we stayed, the more I realised that all the staff were pretty much thinking I would be here until our baby is born. That thought hadn’t even been entertained in my mind. I think the farthest I had allowed my imagination to travel was bedrest, and even that seemed like torture to me. I just have to say though that the Lord has been SO gracious, and SO good to us.
Yesterday one of the nurses came in to talk to me about any questions I might have regarding c-section, spinal block vs. epidural and wanting to arrange a time for Trevor and I to tour the NICU. God sent me one of my most precious and dear friends, Monica, to be with me just as this was going on. I broke down just finding the thought of our daughter being in the NICU overwhelming. The nurse was so patient about all the questions I had regarding what it would take me for me to nurse our little girl under those circumstances and how soon we would get to hold her etc. So much of it depends on when I have her, but I do know that I’m so grateful to be exactly where I need to be right now. I am all in support of natural childbirth and natural remedies, but I’m also SUPER grateful to have modern medicine available to our family when its necessary. My doctor says that as long as I don’t start bleeding again she might let me go home on strict bedrest in a week. If I start bleeding again or spotting however, then I’m here until baby girl is born.
Today brought another test on my emotions. Trevor brought Judah in this afternoon and after having gone through an awful night last night and not really having a nap at a friends house he was really grumpy and wanted nothing to do with me. He cried when Trevor put him up on my bed and pushed away at me. I felt like I had been slapped. I turned my head away and just cried into my pillow. He’s never not wanted me before. But you know what? Even this is showing me deeper levels of my relationship with Christ. I KNOW, without a doubt, that I am going to be stretched and learn so much through this time period. I wouldn’t choose it, but I also know that there are worse things than what I am currently walking through!! I’ve already started getting to know a few of the nurses and learned that several of the women in this branch of the hospital have been here for months. One nurse was even telling me that the woman she had just seen before me had to have her bed tilted upside down so that her hips were elevated. Wow.
Our church family has risen up to support us so much and there are many people, around the world praying for us right now. What a privileged position we are in! What an amazing way for our little girl to start her life: completely covered in prayer!!
We are flying my little sister out to help with Judah and I’m so thrilled for her to come. I just really hope that she isn’t overwhelmed by Judah or her time here, but I know he will be in wonderful hands. Also, both of Trevor’s parents are making efforts to come out during this time and my parents will be here around Christmas. We are so, so blessed.
My emotions are a pendulum at the moment, but my effort is to keep speaking praises to the Lord, when I’m feeling them… and when I’m not. When the israelites where getting ready to cross the Jordan into the promise land, they took time to take stones from the middle of the Jordan river to set up an altar on the other side. That’s what I’m praying my heart looks like right now… in the middle of the situation, in the middle of whatever the Lord has us walking through to get to what he has promised we will take up tools to worship him right now. And later, we can point to this time, and that altar and say, “Look at that… the Lord is FAITHFUL”.